


Love, Goro

by akechisfatass



Category: Love Rosie (2014), Persona 5, Persona Series
Genre: Absolute Pain, Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Akechi Goro Attends Shujin Academy, Akechi Goro Needs a Hug, Alternate Universe - Love Rosie (2014) Fusion, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Bisexual Akira Kurusu, Bisexual Goro Akechi, Bisexual Male Character, Cafe Leblanc (Persona 5), Childhood Friends, Childhood Trauma, Consensual Underage Sex, Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, F/F, F/M, Falling In Love, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Inspired by Love Rosie, Kid Fic, M/M, Marriage, Mildly Dubious Consent, Mutual Pining, My First AO3 Post, My First Fanfic, My First Smut, Original Character(s), Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Pain, Persona 5 Spoilers, Pregnancy, Self-Indulgent, Slow Burn, Swearing, Underage Drinking, Underage Sex, Unreliable Narrator, bruh, haha please dont kill me, so slow burn you'll hate it
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-23
Updated: 2021-01-23
Packaged: 2021-03-15 18:02:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 19,351
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28942650
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/akechisfatass/pseuds/akechisfatass
Summary: He couldn’t decipher the look in the groom’s eyes; he was always mysterious and good at switching masks. Goro wasn’t sure if he was staring at him in platonic fondness or if it was something else within the depths of his heart. But the possibility of winning the man over seemed so far and beyond due to the fact that he was now married to a perfect model for a wife. Goro could not breathe with his heart clogged up at the sight of him being with her.In front of their family and friends, Goro continued on with his best man speech by saying,“I will always, truly, honestly, love you, Akira.” and he suddenly realized how inappropriate it was for him to say those words in front of a newlywed couple.-TL;DR: Love, Rosie AU where Goro watches Akira leave for New York and he stays because of his dumb decisions
Relationships: Akechi Goro/Amamiya Ren, Akechi Goro/Kurusu Akira, Akechi Goro/Persona 5 Protagonist, Niijima Makoto/Okumura Haru
Kudos: 12





	Love, Goro

**Author's Note:**

> hello lgbtq community lol this is my first very fic and i am open to criticism (but i might cry).
> 
> my stepsister just beta'd this chapter so I dedicate this whole damn fic to her <3 <3 i realized how bad my grammar and how there were unnecessary plot holes so thank god I asked her
> 
> Never thought I'd be making a Love, Rosie AU of Shuake yet here we are.
> 
> You don't have to necessarily watch the movie to understand the events, however, some parts may be a little confusing so I hope it doesn't interfere with the reader's experience.
> 
> There are parts where you'll see *[song name], which basically means you could play that song during that moment. I highly suggest it, especially at the last part of the fic.
> 
> I also have to warn you that there is hella angst and Goro's thinking is often disoriented. I feel like I may have been projecting onto him a little too much (he is bipolar here lol) but I still hope you understand why he's hella mean to others in his head. 
> 
> Also, the first smut scene is quite bad. It is consensual sex but it's also dubious and a really bad smut scene. 
> 
> And before I forget, Akira and Goro are bisexual. lol.
> 
> Regardless, I really hope you enjoy this 17.9k word first chapter!! Lol this is honestly so self-indulgent but I hope you guys enjoy it. Be prepared to cry (or not I may kissed my own ass for crying at my own fic)

Goro stood in front of the crowd and his eyes laid on the most important person in his life.

This said person was sitting next to the supposed “love of his life” with a glass of champagne in one hand and his other hand on the knee of his first lover. His raven colored hair was still slightly unruly, yet he was required (or forced) by his “lover” to properly fix his hair and slick it back for the afterparty.

Well, not that he thought it wasn't  _ hot _ , it was just annoying how controlling the chick was. Compromises must be made anyway, in the name of love or something of the sorts. Love has started to be a blurry and unfair concept for Goro and he figured that he was going to live the rest of his life never finding it and growing to be some boring hag who would occasionally visit the now husband and wife with their grown-up kids.

A whole crowd was in front of Goro, yet his eyes only laid on the groom. And somehow, it felt like it was only the two of them that existed in this complicated and crazy world.

He couldn’t decipher the look in the groom’s eyes; he was always mysterious and good at switching masks. Goro wasn’t sure if he was staring at him in platonic fondness or if it was something else within the depths of his heart. But the possibility of winning the man over seemed so far and beyond due to the fact that he was now married to a perfect model for a wife. Goro could not breathe with his heart clogged up at the sight of him being with her. 

In front of their family and friends, Goro continued on with his best man speech by saying,

“ _ I will always, truly, honestly, love you, Akira. _ ” and he suddenly realized how inappropriate it was for him to say those words in front of a newlywed couple.

~

*Crazy in Love - Beyonce

Going out of his comfort zone for his 18th birthday was something he did not expect. Akira, his best friend throughout his childhood and adolescence, and Ryuji had accompanied him to a club that was located in the Red-Light district of Shibuya.

He, at first, did not think he would agree to Akira’s stupid idea of going to a club and getting wasted, yet here he was taking cheap tequila shots with him and Ryuji while dancing his ass off in a crowded and red-lighted room, everyone around him making the same mistakes he was. He was currently seated in between Ryuji and Akira, tired from the dirty dancing that occurred on the dance floor with strangers and tourists who were there to celebrate or relieve their stress by dancing.

“Isn’t this birthday great?!” Akira shouted in his ear while wrapping an arm around him, which Ryuji would most likely comprehend as Akira being affectionate. It made Goro flush at the thought and hoped that they would be out of this place as soon as possible.

“Dude this is the coolest thing you’ve ever done y’know?!? I didn’t know you had it in ‘ya Goro!!” Ryuji said from the other side.

Goro was bothered by the crowd constantly moving and pushing around him, yet he felt intimate and comfortable with Akira by his side with an arm around his shoulder. He suddenly wished Futaba was here to celebrate with him.

He didn't hate Ryuji, I guess. He just knew how wild he would be in their outing and figured that he would not rest down. He was like a virgin having sex for the first time, except that he was definitely not having sex and he was instead in a club for the first time, like him.

“This is a pretty bold birthday.” Goro replied nonchalantly, already feeling the effects of alcohol dawn upon him. He didn't  _ hate  _ this birthday or anything like that, it was just way outside of what he thought he’d do to celebrate. He figured he would only be going out to drink after he turned 21 and after he and Akira had moved to New York to attend their dream universities and live together and maybe— _ maybe _ —

“Oh come on, you know that this is one of the best ideas I’ve ever had.” Akira said while suddenly wrapping his arm around his waist which made him flush even more. He can't believe he was indulging in a fantasy in the midst of his birthday. Akira was right here beside him and he was thinking about one of his selfish desires that would possibly make Akira stray away from him if he knew.

Ryuji looked at this interaction drunkenly and said, “Oh god, you guys are probably gonna—you know what, there’s this hot chick near the bar so ‘mma just do my thing. You better stay put!”. He got up from the spot where they were staying and walked over to the bar to chat with the “hot chick.”

Goro whined internally when Akira removed his arm from his shoulders to face Goro properly. “Mm Goro, you’re looking pretty red~” Akira says, with cockiness plastered all over his face. Goro wanted to slap it out and kiss it afterwards.

“Hm, am I? Must be the heat in this scandalously tight place,” he feigned. “I still can’t believe I agreed to this stupid idea.” He mumbled under his breath.

“Really? There must be more to that.” Akira said with a glint to his ebony eyes that Goro could not interpret through his hazy vision.

“It must also be all the damn alcohol you gave me.” Goro rolled his eyes.

“Nah nah, let me talk your language baby—I theorise that I must have some kind of effect on you.” Akira lifted his hand to gently touch Goro’s chin while smirking at him.

'Well that was kinda lame. ‘ _ Baby _ ?’’ he thought. But Goro suddenly felt a surge of confidence, to one-up him, run through his bones and mind in this intoxicated state and smirked at the young man. Despite the stupid flirting tactic that he pulled, he wouldn't mind participating in it even if he knew that it was all  _ friendly banter _ . “Hm, would you want to maybe test that theory?”

He was now the flushed one, and Goro felt pride in making the suave Akira blush to the top of his ears. “And what if I do want to?” His hand was now holding Goro’s, which he brought up to his lips to kiss affectionately. Goro couldn't help but notice how he leaned in to lay on his hand while staring at him with the fondest look on his face. He didn't know what to make of it and he figured it was just because he was glad to see Goro having fun on his birthday.

After the lamest flirty exchange to ever take place in history, his instincts somehow told him to move closer to show an indication that he wanted to “test out that theory”.

Akira looked at Goro with an expression that he could not read under his stupid fake glasses. He didn’t want to mistake that look with love. For all he knew, it could just be lust from staying in such a dense place and he could be the closest person for him to hook up with. But when Goro felt hands cup his face with an adoring touch, Akira leaned in and crashed his mouth gently against his.

Goro brought his hand up to his soft unruly curls, that he always wanted to grip with his bare hands, to deepen the kiss and felt arms wrap around his waist. Their kiss was sloppy like most first time experiences, yet it felt so good to finally have each other at this distance. They kissed like it was the end of the world and that there was no one around them. It really did feel that way despite the congested area they were currently in.

Akira pulled away while gently biting Goro’s lip, which shot electricity up his spine. They looked into each other's eyes, blurring out the sound of Beyoncé’s Crazy in Love playing in the background and the noises of the crowds around them. Akira dove in for another kiss and used his arm to prompt Goro into sitting on his lap to kiss each other more comfortably. Goro placed his hands on Akira’s shoulder while Akira’s grip on his waist tightened.

The kiss felt so touch-starved, as if they have waited all their life to have an opportunity to crash their lips and feel each other’s presence more intimately rather than the cuddle sessions they would have on their couch when they watched Featherman together as kids. Goro wanted more. He wanted Akira to tighten his grip on his waist even further and never let him go. He never wanted to lose him. Some deep and dark side of him wanted Akira to somehow imprint on him so everyone knew who he belonged to.

And when they pulled away from each other, Goro sat up straight to look down at the flushed Akira whose lips looked like they had been abused.

He would have gone down on his neck for another sloppy teenage-driven hormonal makeout round, but the disbelief in kissing his best friend, who he was absolutely in love with, caused Goro’s vision to become ever hazier. And suddenly (embarrassingly), he fell, his back violently hitting the table filled with empty shot glasses behind them.

Now, Goro was sure to lose his vision, and even his recollection of what happened that night.

~

As usual, Sojiro blamed Akira for the accident that happened, like when they were kids and Goro would have a bruise from falling accidentally which would never be Akira's fault and more of Goro's fault for being clumsy. They were worried about taking Goro to the emergency room and dealing with a worried mother who was already suffering from taking care of things on her own. He was glad that Ryuji helped him bring Goro here instead of groaning at the fact that the night was about to end.

Akira, in some way, did feel responsible. He was more worried however, on how Goro would react if he ever did wake up and remember what happened. He feels a gross sensation grumble in his stomach, almost feeling like he took advantage of Goro despite being just as drunk as him.

The emergency room surprisingly and thankfully did not have a lot of patients which made it easier for Goro to be tended to. Akira glanced at the passed out man and he couldn't help but notice the smudged mascara and the fading foundation on his face. He takes a closer look and finds himself enamoured by the little freckles that spread across his nose and cheeks.

"Excuse me, would it be okay if you stepped out for a few minutes? The doctor will just have to check him. I'll call you once he's ready to be taken home." Akira jolted in surprise at hearing the nurse’s voice. She was unfazed by his reaction, but she appeared to have been smiling at how he had been gazing at the patient. Akira was often a closed book, but Goro was absolutely his weakness and anybody could notice that, except Goro.

Akira nodded and tried to not let the disappointment show on his face or the nurse would have probably teased him indirectly by smirking at him.

He leaves the bed and goes over to sit on a cold hard chair in the waiting area. His leg was twitching at the sound of the clock in the silent hallways of the hospital and the unnerving feeling of not checking up on Goro. His phone died when got in the car with him and he couldn't distract himself by checking up on Ryuji. The last time he saw him was when he helped carry Goro and decided that he was going to stay "a bit longer," which was probably not a good idea considering he's... Ryuji.

His mind drifted off to Goro once again, and he wasn't sure when he was going to get him off his mind like any normal person.

_ He remembers the first time he met Goro in that playground. They were two very young children, age 6, who went to the same school. They never talked and Goro seemed to be socially inept at the time. When people would try to talk to him, he would immediately try to end it or escape the conversation. Akira thought he was strange but he was quite enamoured by the mystery behind him as well. _

_ On a certain sunny day after school, everyone would go to the park to play with each other. Akira was currently waiting for Futaba and Ryuji to come to the park, but he wandered around and saw the shy boy in his class with caramel hair. _

_ It seemed like Goro was trying to make a friend for once, but was instead met with some asshole kids who were crowding around and making fun of him for having a single mother. He remembers one certain comment that made him wish that kid was buried in dirt and never found by anyone. _

_ "My mom said your mom likes to bring boys home! I bet it’s to kiss them, huh.. You'll prob’ly be like her too, you girly boy!" _

_ And he remembers, the loud sob that Goro let out. He remembers the look in his beautiful red eyes that was filled with tears and the wobbly mouth that made him wish he was in his place instead. Akira charged at the crowd and started pushing each of them into each other. The kids frowned and fought back by kicking his face and legs into the ground which gave Akira bruises. Sojiro was definitely mad later on and scolded him by saying ‘You shouldn't stick your nose into other people's businesses.’ He never obeyed that rule. _

_ The kids were no longer interested in tormenting Goro and just left to go find another kid to tease. Akira stood up shaky on his feet but immediately glanced at Goro who had a frown on his face. _

_ "I di’nt need your help." He looked down "I don't need a prince to... to save me like those guys in those stupid Disney movies." he snuffled. _

_ Despite the remark, Akira went to Goro and hugged him. The kid stiffened at his touch but slowly leaned into it, still not hugging back. He didn't understand why he felt like he wanted to approach Goro and why he had the sudden confidence to hug him. While he was always interested in the young boy, he never thought he would go through the effort of saving him from bullies. But he never regretted it because they were now best friends for life and if Akira had to save him again, he absolutely would. _

_ "I don’t care, I still wanted to help. How 'bout you come over to my house and watch movies with me? We don't have to watch Disney." He laughed despite the pain he felt in his legs. _

_ Goro pulled back and looked at Akira "Huh? W-Why? I di’nt help you, or anything," he said with a suspicious look.  _

_ "Because I wanna be friends." Akira beamed. _

_ "F-Friends?! I don't have any friends, why do you want to—" Goro blushed and looked away "I don't have a dad y'know.." _

_ "So? He prob’ly sucks then, but I'm sure your mommy’s a great person." Goro finally looked at him in the eyes widely. For once, he wasn't being teased about having a single mother. Akira felt his chest bloom at the sight of his freckles and he shyly looked away. _

_ "I-I—okay, fine.. Let’s go to your house.." Goro said "But no Disney! I hate it.." _

_ "It's okay." Akira laughed and stepped closer to Goro to hold his hand. "We can be each other's princes anyway." _

After staring at the white boring wall for an amount of minutes, Akira jerked back at the nurse who happened to appear in front of him. He felt shy at reminiscing on an old memory he had always treasured and he hoped Goro would never find out, otherwise he'd roll his eyes and mock him for his "messiah complex" that led them to be best friends to this day.

"Hello, your friend seems to be alright. You can go see him now but he's still unconscious. He'll definitely be able to wake up tomorrow so don't worry about it too much." She smiled and walked away afterwards. Akira felt a weight in his chest dissipate, but he still felt bad for putting Goro in this situation.

Sojiro walked up to him with two coffees in his hands. "The coffee here is definitely bland but it'll do for tonight." He handed one to Akira and sipped his coffee. He frowned. "How the hell do people drink this trash?"

"Goro's fine. He just needs to be taken to his house. The nurse said he'll wake up in the morning," Akira said while sipping his cup.

"Thank god. Akira, I hope you know how responsible you are for this," Sojiro says in his old man tone. "I know you kids are all excited about celebrating his 18th birthday in some tacky club but you haven't turned 18 yet and I have no idea how the hell you even got in. Probably with your fake IDs or whatever you kids call it nowadays." He scowled like an old man and threw his unfinished cup into a nearby trash can.

Akira was indeed aware that it was his fault. He really didn't want this to happen and he wished he and Ryuji didn't peer pressure him into celebrating his birthday in Shibuya. Goro wanted to celebrate in his house but felt that he deserved a better birthday than having it there.

"I'm sorry.." he looked down on his feet. 

"Don't apologise to me, say it to him when he wakes up." Sojiro rolled his eyes and pointed in the direction of Goro's bed. "Let's get him outta here and hope that his mother won't bite your head off."

Akira definitely prayed to some god up there that Goro's mother wouldn't bite his head off.

~

Surprisingly, Goro's mother did not bite his head off. At all. Instead, she looked at Goro and rubbed her fingers on her forehead.

"Agh, I already knew Goro couldn't handle alcohol. What a fragile boy." She laughed under her breath.

"I-I'm sorry.. I didn't want this to happen—" Kamene Akechi placed her hand on his shoulder reassuringly.

"Don't worry about it sweetheart, I know you just wanted Goro to have a good birthday and I'm sure he did." She gave a small smile, which made Akira feel even more guilty of how Goro possibly forgot everything that happened. "Plus, an 18th birthday celebration in a house would have been so lame. That's definitely not how I celebrated," she winked.

Akira chuckled at her innuendo and looked at Goro who was still passed out in his arms. He looked so peaceful and he had the exact same features as his mother, who he thought was just as beautiful as him.

"Alright, I won't bother you now. I can see how smitten you are over my son,” she laughed. Akira felt his face go red. "N-No it's not like that!—"

"Oh here are his pills by the way." She handed over one mood stabiliser and two aspirins. "He'll definitely be grumpy in the morning, so I suggest you come over by then so he'd feel happy to see you." Akira blushed, but he wasn't sure if Goro would want to see him while experiencing his first hangover.

"Bring him up to his room." She smiled once again before turning back. "And don't forget to lock the door up before you leave!"

"Okay!" Akira responded and finally moved to carry the heavy body upstairs before he could accidentally drop him.

~

He placed him on his lofty bed and took a quick look at Goro's humble abode. His walls were decorated with some Featherman posters that Futaba gave to him. His precious ray gun, that nobody was ever allowed to touch (including Akira, who was his best friend, thank you very much), was placed on top of his shelf with the lazer sword that came with it when they first bought it together. He also looked at the posters of CSI and Law & Order that he always watched every Sunday with him on his couch. Despite its complex plots and words, Goro and Akira always watched it in awe as they witnessed people being brought to justice. Admittedly, he always had to make Goro explain to him and he always did, but it would often make him more confused.

Then his eyes drifted to his clean desk that was littered with college applications and a mirror that consisted of pictures taped with him, Futaba, and Ryuji. He smiled fondly. There was one picture of them as kids where Futaba was chasing Ryuji with a fake wooden sword at hand while the camera was focused on Akira and Goro—Akira holding a fake small gun and Goro with his precious ray gun while they had their arms around each other as they smiled playfully at the camera.

He suddenly remembered that Goro would be mad if he slept with his makeup on, so he took his makeup wipes and cleaned his face. He carefully wiped his eyes so he wouldn't hurt him, and slowly wiped the rest of his face to erase the liquid foundation that Goro thought would cover his "hideous freckles”.

But Akira definitely didn't think they were hideous. He wanted to trace his fingers on the beauty marks and count them until they had all been individually accounted for. It would be like when him and Goro used to lie down in the garden at 11PM and count the stars above when the light pollution wasn't taking over. Goro would count the stars and Akira would usually count with him, but sometimes he’d count his freckles instead.

He stopped his line of wishful thinking and continued to wipe the rest of his face. He placed his pills on Goro’s bedside table, before he forgot, and a glass of water along with it. After finishing, he got up and reached the door. He took one last look at his passed out best friend and left the house, feeling like he overstayed his welcome.

~

Goro woke up with a massive migraine and a bright light coming from his window. He suddenly wished that the wretched Sun would near its final days and burn out like a black dwarf star. The migraine seemed to also affect the rest of his body. He felt like he was going to live in bed forever and never step out of his room. His arms and legs felt like uncooked spaghetti and he wonders if all that alcohol was worth how he felt now.

He looked at the bedside table and thanked the gods that he woke up with pills beside him. He sat up from his bed and reached for it. He wasn't sure how good the aspirins would work on him, but he wanted to kiss whoever left it on his table.

But he thought of how it might've been his mom that put the medicine there so he quickly erased it from his brain forever before the weird unwanted imaginations came.

He stood up to look at himself in the mirror and noticed how he was still wearing his black skinny jeans and white shirt. How could his mom make him stay in his clothes?! He felt so sticky in it—probably from all the sweating.

Then he looked at his face, scared to discover that he was going to have a breakout for not clearing his makeup. But surprisingly, it was all gone. He sighed in relief and felt thankful that he did not see a single pimple on his face.

However, his detective instincts suddenly said another thing. If his clothes weren't changed but his face was wiped clean.. Did that mean Akira actually helped him get to bed? He did trust him enough to wipe his makeup and he knew that he wouldn't want to intrude him under his clothes without Goro's permission..

How embarrassing it would be! He stopped his line of thinking and immediately deemed it as him overthinking the situation. Akira must've gotten home after he dropped him off. There was no way in hell that Akira would help him get into bed, especially because of how annoying he must've been for his first time being drunk. Yeah, that's most likely correct and he didn't want to think more on it before he indulged in pining over his best friend.

He sighed heavily (in disappointment) and decided to take a shower before giving his mom the silent treatment for not helping him change into his clothes last night.

~

Akira felt a little nervous when he got to the doorstep of Goro's house. For some odd reason, he was scared at the possibilities of him remembering what happened last night or him not remembering at all. He wasn't sure which one was scarier. He wasn't even sure of what he wanted to happen because he didn't want anything to ruin what they had.

Hypothetically, if he remembered, he would either not want to talk to him or he would want to set firmer boundaries between the two of them. Both of those were the most likely possibilities. He couldn't believe the both of them even crossed the boundaries they had at present, because that kiss could well ruin the friendship they built over  **fifteen years** . But if Goro didn't remember, would Akira be at an advantage, knowing something that Goro didn’t? Should he tell him, if he had forgotten what happened? No.. if he told him, Goro would probably feel like Akira betrayed him. He didn't want to betray his trust ever again. Their friendship can't end over some drunken night.

He wasn't sure if he was still having a hangover, but his head started to hurt from thinking about what was going to happen and he really really hoped nothing was going to go bad. He just wanted to get back to where they were. If they wanted to punch each other so they could take out the memory of them kissing, he would absolutely agree to it right away. Things would absolutely be different if they both acknowledged it—by different, it would mean  **ruined** .

They were going to go back to planning for their venture to New York, they were going to continue being best friends, they were going to get married to people that they truly — _ truly _ —

The door opened and showed Kamene wearing a robe and holding a mug in her hand, and he couldn't thank her enough for interrupting his train of thoughts.

"Akira! How long have you been outside? I'm sorry for taking so long."

And before he could respond, she interrupted him.

"Goro has been giving me the silent treatment all morning, what the heck is up with that boy?" she frowned.

"Oh?" Akira wasn't sure on what to say, was he.. could he be mad about...?

"Oh no worries about it, he'll probably brighten up when he sees you. Come in now!" She opened the door wider for him, gesturing for him to come in.

Akira stepped in, feeling his hands sweat. Was he overthinking this too much? He really needs to calm down.

"Go ahead on up, I'm just gonna clean the dishes." She walked over to the kitchen, which left Akira to gather his thoughts before entering Goro’s room. Again, he was either going to end their friendship, set boundaries, or just never know what happened the night before.

He wasn't sure which one was worse, all he knows is that things definitely feel different now. Even if Goro didn't remember, Akira was going to remember it for the rest of his life.

~

Goro was lying on his side, feeling like he was about to take another eight hours of sleep. He was exhausted from ignoring his mother the whole morning; she even had the nerve to act like she didn't know what was going on. And despite his migraine going away after showering and eating breakfast, he still felt like dog shit. Maybe even Morgana's shit, more specifically. He always hated that damn cat that roamed in Akira's home, looking at him as if he was some secret murderer that no one knew about.

He brought his blanket closer to his face, thinking that it would help him get over the overbearing pain he felt everywhere. Maybe he shouldn't ever drink again.. damn Akira and Ryuji for being so insistent. He couldn't believe that they waited for the opportunity to jump in for them to go to a club like teenagers excited for their first sip of alcohol. He should give them the silent treatment as well for being such virgins.

The door opened and Goro still didn't bother getting up. He was going to ignore his mother until she apologised for not helping him change out of his clothes last night.

"Uh—Goro? Is this a bad time or.." a raspy voice called out which made Goro whip his head in its direction and see Akira at his door.

"Oh. It's you." He feigned disappointment but he was actually really glad to see him. He had suddenly forgotten all about his plan to act like he didn't exist.

"W-What's that supposed to mean?" Akira stuttered. Goro raised an eyebrow. What's he acting so damn nervous for?

"Akira, relax. I know seeing me in sweatpants and a messy bun is a horrifying sight for you." He rolled his eyes then patted the edge of his bed for him to sit on.

"W-Well I mean not really but—" 

Goro stared at him. 

"No, I mean—!”

How strange he was today. "I'm happy to see you, you can't imagine how mad I am at my mother right now." He groaned.

Akira took a seat on the edge of his bed and lied on his side right by Goro’s feet. "Huh? Why?"

"She had the nerve to not change my clothes last night when I came home! I felt so horrible in the morning." He said pettily.

Goro looked at Akira, who seemed like he was holding in a laugh.

"This isn't funny!" He slapped his arm with the pillow beside him and Akira just caught it with his hand.

"Goro calm down, I was the one who brought you to your bed." He said while smiling and lying on the pillow he stole from him.

Goro felt himself go red all over his face and body. Akira... saw him in such a vulnerable state. And he..

"W-Why couldn't you just change my clothes then?!" he frowned, hoping that there wasn't any weird undertone behind it that Akira could detect.

"Wha—Now you're blaming me?" he laughed. "I knew you'd kill me if I changed your clothes and saw your Featherman boxers."

"I-I wasn't wearing those!" He felt so embarrassed at that moment, and wished he had died of alcohol poisoning last night because he was, indeed, wearing those stupid boxers.

"Unless you wanted me to see them~" he teased and tickled his leg. Goro instinctively slapped his arm but Akira was not yielding to his hit. This caused the both of them to have a tickle fight like they were twelve and teasing each other over the silliest things.

After having the most intense tickle fight of the century, Goro lost and caused him to cry out, "Akira—okay! Okay, stop," feeling like he was going to burst out of embarrassment given how intimate it was when Akira was basically towering over him on his bed.

They stopped laughing and noticed the close distance between them. Akira immediately backed out and had embarrassment plastered all over his face.

"Hey Akira—" 

"Goro I-"

There was a short silence after they interrupted each other, but broke off into a small laugh. "You can go first, Goro." Akira said.

Goro wasn't really sure how to go on about this. He was about to ask about what happened last night, but he wasn't sure if he could take on the sheer embarrassment of him acting so drunk for the first time. He might as well ask anyway. If he did embarrass himself, at least he could easily erase it by drowning it in alcohol again.

"Do you remember what happened last night?" Goro asked.

Akira stiffened up as if he was caught by his kindergarten teacher for secretly making paper origami during class. He seemed so nervous that it made Goro react the same way as well. Did something.. weird happen?

"A-Ah, well.. what do you remember?" Akira asked.

"Hmm.." Goro thought, trying to use his brain for once in this god-awful morning "Well, everything seemed to get blurry once Ryuji handed over our third set of shots."

"Oh.. Really?" Akira asked, who seemed to tiptoe around.

"Yeah? I don't know what the hell happened after that," Goro laughed. "But I do feel a slight bruise at the back of my head and I'm starting to think that I fainted at some point during our night out." He rubs his hand on the back of his head, trying to see where he feels any pain.

"How about you Akira? You must've been sober, however considering who you are, I bet you were hitting on someone the whole night," he laughed.

Akira seemed to go quiet. He looked like he was lost in thought. Did he happen to remember the whole night?

"Akira?" he asked.

He suddenly flinched from his seat and looked at Goro directly in the eyes. Wait, did he really hit on someone..?

"Oh so you did hit on someone! You could've just left me to go with whoever—" he said, trying to play it off as a joke when he really started to feel his heart beat faster.

"N-No I didn't I swear!" Akira shot his hands up defensively. "I don't remember much from last night, I kinda just woke up the moment you passed out," he laughed.

Oh, he was absolutely humiliated now.

"I actually passed out?!" He quickly places his hands on his face, trying to cover the embarrassment he felt and the little squeak he let out.

"Yeah! I had to carry your heavy body all the way from the club and Sojiro was complaining too." Akira acted annoyed while crossing his arms together, as if he were a disappointed parent. Goro pushed him lightly and pouted.

"Hey, hey! I was just kidding!" he grinned. "But you did pass out, I brought you to the emergency room and Sojiro was on my ass for not watching over you."

"Oh god, I'm so sorry about that." Goro said while looking down on the bed. How could he be so irresponsible and ruin their night?

"Don't worry! And for the record, I was definitely not hitting on anyone 'cuz I had my eyes on you the whole night, my prince." He took Goro’s hand and kissed the back of it.

He ignored the sensation of familiarity washing over him, knowing it was just wishful thinking that Akira would even do it so seriously to him. "Y-Yeah whatever Akira. Would you stop faking your whole flirting act? It's insufferable." This morning could not get any more mortifying. 

Akira ignored his comment. "Oh but  _ you _ were all over the club.. You kissed like.. 10 people there? I think one of them happened to be an American tourist looking for a lonely Asian man.. How unloyal you are to me.."

"Okay, I'm gonna shut you up now." He tackled him like a cat starting a fight with another, and it finally felt like the tension was completely gone, even if they still had a few questions left unanswered.

~

*These Days - Wallows

The next week, the high school bonfire would take place in Odaiba Beach. After hours of Akira trying to convince Goro to come to the event, Goro decided he might as well go before Akira bursts into a fit for them not going together.

When they went, a few people were dapping Akira up while Goro only muttered "hi's" and "hello's" to the people he was familiar with. It was always known among the others that Akira was the most popular and sociable out of the both of them, while Goro was the quiet and sarcastic pretty boy who kept his distance and stuck onto Akira and Ryuji like a barnacle.

Ryuji had gotten there earlier than them and promised to hang out with the two of them after he hung out with his track team, which left Akira and Goro alone. Despite Akira's wide circle, he'd always stick with Goro which is something he could never understand. Goro had no problem with being alone (or not attending such boring events), yet Akira had also stuck onto him as well.

It wasn't something Goro got annoyed by; he absolutely loved the fact that Akira's attention was constantly only him and he didn't really care if he sounded possessive for thinking that. It's not like he was tying him up to a chair and making him never interact with anyone ever again. However, the prospect does sound quite promising if they would ever—

Akira showed up beside him with two cups of spiked Sprite and handed one over to him. He immediately downed it while Goro looked at him with disgust. "Do you seriously want a repeat of the other night?"

“Goro! We're ending high school and we're trying to make memories," he smiled.

  
  


Goro did not really care for such mundane things. His high school memories consisted of him, Akira, and Ryuji together. Occasionally Futaba as well when she felt like going outside with them to the movies or to Goro's house to binge the new season of Featherman. However, Akira's memories were more than that. He had a few other circles with him, Ryuji, and a few others. It's not that Goro was jealous or anything, he just did not care to make other friends, except Makoto perhaps. She and Haru were perhaps the people he really got along with in high school.

The three of them would occasionally have study sessions together or just to simply hang out and gossip, but considering how Makoto and Haru were two hormonal teenagers, they would excuse themselves and then come back fifteen minutes later with a disheveled look. Goro did not try to hang out with them too much, but he likes them regardless of their secretive and wild nature.

But aside from that, he could not trust Ryuji or Akira to study with him because of how careless they were about their studies. He even had to help them with college entrance exams  _ and _ applications. How the hell were he and Akira going to New York now if he was so damn irresponsible?!

"Goro?" he jolted out of his thoughts and faced Akira.

"Yeah?"

"Let's just enjoy this, okay?" He held Goro's hand and had the brightest smile. "I'm just happy we're here together."

Goro couldn't help but smile back in fondness. His feelings for him were always intense, but he would never let it get in the way of what they had. He acknowledges the fact that his feelings could never be returned, but that never stopped him from being Akira's best friend. This is one of the things in life he would never want to let go. Akira came to him at such a sensitive time. Yet, he looked past that and defended him from the bullies who looked down on him. In a way, it almost feels like they were against the world together. Akira may not feel the same way, but he just couldn't deny how much he meant to him.

Goro downed his drink and tossed his cup aside. He went behind Akira and clasped his shoulders. 

"You gonna carry me, my prince?"

Akira smiled even wider and gladly brought Goro on a piggyback ride.

~

*The Less I Know The Better - Tame Impala

The sun was going down and people were still enjoying the night with one another. Goro and Akira spent the whole afternoon goofing off on the beach; they tried carrying each other(Akira was definitely heavier than Goro despite being a few centimeters shorter than the latter), drank a little more but not to the point of being drunk, and splashed water at each other (And then Goro would get mad, which Akira would laugh at then continue splashing water). It was like nothing had changed between them at all in the fifteen years they spent together.

Akira would occasionally talk to his friends for a bit, but then Goro would go off to see Haru and Makoto snuggled up near the bonfire. They would talk about random things, but he would still enjoy their presence nonetheless. He just felt so happy the whole day and he was glad that he agreed to come to Odaiba.

The evening has finally set in and Goro is currently sitting near the bonfire just to think about his day. Makoto and Haru went off to have some time together and Goro didn't mind having a little time to think by himself. His smile wouldn't leave his face and he didn't even care if someone looked at him and thought he was a maniac. He thought about Akira's black messy curls in the wind, his eyes that sparkled during the day, and just everything about him. He looked up to see where Akira was and— 

He glanced up to see Akira talking to Mika, who was known for being one of the school's "prettiest" girls. She was currently touching his arm while whispering something into his ear. When Akira responded, she laughed and even had the nerve to touch his chest as well as if she was admiring every part of his body. She looked like a wolf ready to eat its prey and Goro wanted to go over and establish his territory—

Goro did not care. He looked at his feet and decided not to mind Akira flirting with another girl.  _ He didn't care _ . It's not like Akira was going to marry the harlot of Shujin and have a life with her one day and leave Goro in the dust—

She would flirt with him, in hopes for a quick fuck or date, and Akira would reject her and go back to Goro. 

Now Akira walks back to Goro with a shy smile on his face, and Goro suddenly does wish he never met him. He wishes that Akira didn't come to save him from those wretched bullies. He wishes he rejected Akira's invitation to come over to his house. His mind could not exactly comprehend what was going on but at the moment he just wanted to leave the bonfire and never come back to Akira, ever.

H e  sits beside him and Akira looks at Goro, but he could not bear to look at the smile on his face.

"Goro! Something really funny just happened! So I was talking to them right, and then —" and Goro could not really hear the specifics of Akira's story, but all he knew was that his friends knew that Mika was interested in Akira and they pushed them into talking.

"And uh— it seems that Mika wants me to ask her to the school dance next week.." Akira said. Goro didn't know what to do. He thought about jumping into the fire, but it would be embarrassing if he did that so he stopped thinking about it.

He didn't really know what to respond with, "Nice one Akira!" "Wow, she's really hot!" "Damn nice score!," because if he were to be honest, he really didn't  **fucking** care. He didn't care if she was someone destined to be a famous model in the future, he didn't care if she was perfect and female, he didn't care if she had the body that Akira Kurusu would absolutely  **fall for** . No, he did not give one shit about it. If anything, he should be proud!

And so he looked at Akira with a smile that he once practiced with his dad when Shido had his "business partners" come over and Goro was forced to act like he was supporting his father with the sketchy deals he was making.

"That's great Akira. Aren't you going to say yes?" he said, with a fake smile that he hasn't ever used on Akira until now.

"I—But I thought we were going to dance together?" Akira asked. "Y-Y'know like stags.."

' _ I don't need your pity, I can live many nights without you'  _ is what a small part of Goro wanted to reply, but the bigger part just wanted Akira to be happy.

"It's alright, Akira. I can just third-wheel Haru and Makoto," he said. He hoped that he didn't sound cold under his smile.

Akira looked at him with an unreadable expression, and Goro scoffed internally.

' _ I see, is our whole friendship based on pity? Did he think he had to watch over me or else I would break like a glass mirror?"  _ He thinks, and that's when he realized that he forgot to take his mood stabilizer this morning. He was doubting his friendship with Akira over some girl and he wanted to stop before it got worse.

He tried to calm himself down in his head. He can last a night without Akira. Even if he was going to have to watch Akira with someone else, he could have fun with Makoto and Haru. He loved the couple very much and he was excited to join their secret shenanigans after the school dance. He—

"Goro.. I—" 

"Hi Akira," a voice called out, and here came the perfect Mika with a slim body and a face so clear. She had the perfect voice, perfect height, and perfect aura to her. She has always been considered among the 'sexiest' in their school, and perhaps Goro could agree to that. However, she's not exactly his type.

She was wearing a short flowy dress, and Goro wondered if she found that dress in the kids’ section because of how short it was, giving almost half of the school a peak of her lacy undies when the cold wind blew against it .

"H-Hi Mika," Akira stuttered. Goro wasn't sure if he wanted to join in this conversation. He wanted to ignore the twinge in his heart as much as possible, but this exchange wasn't exactly helping.

"Hey Akechi-kun," she smiled. Goro had to admit, she was indeed beautiful. He hoped that her aura wasn't all show and that she was truly kind on the inside.

"Hey Mika, want me to give you two some alone time?" he said. He was going to try and take a breather somewhere before his feelings got to the best of him. If Mika was going to make Akira happy, he was going to leave him be.

"If it's alright," she replied. "Oh, and Lily actually wants to talk to you." She winked at him and nodded her head in her direction.

Oh.

The girl with wavy black hair and piercing blue eyes was staring at him with a smirk on her face.

He remembers having a tiny crush on her back in his freshman year. He was still in denial of liking guys at the time, but that didn't stop him from having a genuine attraction to Lily.

Next to Mika Mato on the list of the most popular girls in Shujin Academy was Lily Ishikawa who had the free-spirited personality that reminded him of—

She had an hourglass body that was often rare in Japanese girls; Goro figured she was just lucky enough to be blessed by the gods with it. He figured he might as well get to know her, because she seemed promising and he actually wouldn't mind getting to know her. Right now, she was wearing a white tube top with a long blue maxi skirt that still showed her wide hips and flawless stomach, and that made Goro feel a little flushed.

"Oh wow," he laughed under his breath. "Uh, thanks Mika." He gave her a smile. He ignored Akira, not wanting to see what his reaction to this would be. There was no point in bothering with him. He was about to talk to one of the most exotic girls he's ever met and he wouldn't let anything stop him, not even his crush on Akira Kurusu.

_ He was good at pretending that he didn’t love Akira. He has done it since there were fifteen. He might as well let his past infatuation with Lily surface once again. _

He stood up and walked over to Lily, who was currently smoking and standing alone near the drink stand. He doesn't remember the last time he saw Lily this close. She was still as beautiful as the time he first encountered her in their first year of high school. Now, he wasn't sure why she wanted to talk to him, but he hoped it was not because of how he used to sometimes stare at her in the hallways.

"Hey Goro, I actually didn't think you'd be here," she laughed. "I'm really glad to see you."

Her laugh was soft and could make anyone weak in the knees. He started to find himself quite nervous around her and he didn't want that to show.

"H-Hey," he stuttered. He was now going to walk into the ocean and drown himself.

She giggled at him and smiled. She dropped her cigarette onto the sand and stepped on it before moving closer to him. "So, I was thinking.."

_ Oh _ . She was now bringing his hand over to her cheek and he felt himself go absolutely red. His younger self would have definitely passed out by now. She looked at him with the gentleness that made Goro want to lean in and be closer to her.

"I've been wanting to get to know you. You feel like going to dance together?" she asked.

"I—Uh.." and here he thought he was going to end up being with Makoto and Haru that night, but it seems that his plans were going to change; he would be spending the night with Lily.

"Yeah sure," he said. This day was.. interesting. He wasn't exactly sure how he felt about this. He just had a mental breakdown over Akira Kurusu, and this was quite a whiplash from the emotions he felt a while ago.

"Aw hell yeah, I can't wait. I'll see you soon alright?" she said, and dropped his hand to walk away.

Goro watched her as she walked far into the beach, away from everyone else. She really was adventurous. He wondered where exactly she was going. Perhaps she was going to look for a cave nearby to observe, or to just have a smoke near the cliff. Maybe she was going to strip and swim, she’d definitely be the type—

His face was suddenly as red as his eyes were. He felt like a pervert and decided to ignore the thoughts currently running through his head.

He looked back and saw that Makoto and Haru were looking in his direction. He figured he would go ahead and tell them what just happened—until Ryuji clasped his shoulder.

"Yooo! Goro! Come here dude I gotta ask you something." He dragged him into a secluded area and he already knew that he was going to ask about Lily.

He smiled at his group before leaving with Goro to go near the grassy area. "Let's sit down dude."

~

*Drunk on Halloween - Wallows

They took a seat and they couldn't help but look up at the beautiful stars that twinkled above them. Tonight was really strange, but looking at the stars made him feel a bit peaceful. He didn't mind sitting down with Ryuji. If anything, he felt a little glad that he was spending some time with him. They didn't always hang out alone together—sometimes they couldn’t even stand one another because of Ryuji's high energy and Goro's sarcasm, which often clashed. But Goro still had some partiality towards him because of how long they’ve known each other.

"Hey, so uhm—" Goro was still looking up at the stars but he acknowledged Ryuji's stuttered words.

"So.. I was just wondering about the school dance. You're going with Lily right?" he asked with uncertainty.

Goro looked at him wide-eyed. "How did you find out?"

"Uh, word kinda spreads around fast I guess. People already knew that she was kinda interested in you before.." He rubbed the back of his neck nervously. "And hey! I'm really glad but uh.. I know this isn't really my place and you don't have to take me so seriously but—"

"But what, Ryuji?" he asked.

He opened his mouth, then seemed to change his mind about what he was gonna say. Ultimately, he said, "Nothing, I—Lily is beautiful and all but knowing the both of you, I just don’t think you wanna pursue anything with her.."

Goro looked at him skeptically. "What are you talking about? We're just going to the dance together."

"Yeah yeah I know, but I just wanna look out for you Goro. She's kinda..." Ryuji tried to look for a word to describe her. "She doesn't really know what she wants, y'know? I mean, the other week she was crushin' on that transfer student from Osaka, and then the week before that she was—" he sighed, cutting himself off. "Do you get what I mean?"

"Are you saying she's some kind of floozy? Last time I checked, crushes are completely normal to have," he said with cold glare. "That's quite hypocritical coming from you."

"No, dude—agh, that's not what I meant." He facepalmed. "No—no, I'm sorry that's not what I meant."

"Then what are you really saying?" he asked with some coldness to his tone.

"She.. she doesn't have any goals!" he sputtered out. "Yeah.. and I remember you saying that you always wanted someone who knew what they wanted to do in life."

"How do you even know that? Don’t tell me you’re just judging her based on her looks.."

"N-No, of course not! Just listen to me alright.." He took a deep breath. "Yeah, she's hot and she's really fun to hang out with, but it just doesn't seem like it'd be a good thing for you the long run, y'feel me?"

Ryuji laid back to take a clearer look at the stars while Goro looked down at him as he waited for him to continue.

"Not a lot of people know about this Goro, but I trust you and I want to look out for you so I’ll say it—she actually cheated on one of my friends in the track team."

Goro felt his chest tighten a bit, but he didn't feel completely bad about it. He went through worse and better today. It seemed that he ran out of emotion juice.

"And when she was caught, she kinda just.. shrugged it off y'know? My friend even mentioned how she wasn't really planning to go to college and that she wanted to rely on her Christian parents' money to go around the world. She kinda just.. rubs me the wrong way because of those."

Oh, wow. Goro absolutely despised spoiled rich kids. And cheaters. But, he didn't want to make too much judgement about it. For all he knows, that friend could be lying.

"Look dude," Ryuji turned his eyes over to him. "I just wanna protect you, Goro. I'm not saying you can't go to the dance with her, but.." he trails off.

"No, thank you for telling me this, Ryuji. And for looking out for me," Goro said. "I really appreciate it. But I'll still go to the dance with her. I just want to get to know her for myself before I judge her past with other people."

"Yeah.. plus Akir—" Ryuji's eyes suddenly widened. "I, uh, I meant to say that you deserve better. But like, if you really wanna go for it then I won't stop you, dude. I know you’re smart and can handle yourself."

Akira, Akira, Akira.

Goro was going to have to take his pill tonight before he spiralled out of control. "Thanks Ryuji," he smiled. "Are  _ you _ planning to go with anyone?"

"Nah dude, no one asked me," he frowned..

"Don’t worry.. someone will look at you one day and think you aren't actually just a monkey with muscles, Ryuji," Goro said with a chuckle.

"What was that?!" Ryuji stood and glared at Goro while bringing his arm back as if he was going to hit him.

Goro laughed even harder. "Oh Ryuji, you would never dare to hit me anyway," he teased.

Ryuji was blushing which amused Goro even more. "Man what the hell?! Y'know what, I'm going back man. I can't take your sarcasm anymore."

Goro just smiled, and he feels glad that he ended the night with one of his friends. While he still felt slightly uneasy, Ryuji's presence felt like a refreshing cold drink after a long run.

~

*Closer (Ode 2 U) - Ravyn Lenae

It was a Friday evening after school and everyone was getting ready for the Shujin Academy School Dance in InterContinental Tokyo Bay. The past dances were always held in their school’s gym, but for whatever reason their class suddenly decided they were tired of it and donated a lot of money for a proper venue this year. And somehow, the student council was able to earn enough in donations to reserve a ballroom in the said hotel. It took a while for Makoto to convince the principal to hold their dance there; however, with the help of her sister Sae’s negotiating skills, the principal finally agreed.

Goro and Akira decided to get ready together in Goro's house and Sojiro was generous enough to lend his car to them. While Akira was fixing his hair in front of his mirror, Goro decided to get ready in the bathroom. He was dressed in a beige suit chosen by his mother. He usually didn't like to rely on his mother's taste in fashion, but for some reason he actually liked the look of beige on him. It was comfortable and casual, yet still classy.

However, Goro wasn't sure what to do with his hair. He didn't always like his messy everyday look, and he definitely did not want to wear it like that during his school dance. He tried straightening his hair for once and liked the new look, but he wanted to push his long bangs away, so he took his mother's bobby pins and pinned them to the sides of his head. He released a few strands to frame his face.

He actually thought he looked kinda good, but he couldn't just end it there. He tried to tie his hair with a ponytail and realised that it looked sort of cute that way. He applied a little makeup, essentially just some foundation and mascara and felt satisfied with the results. Looking at himself, he suddenly felt unsure about his ponytail, so he decided to untie it first and ask Akira about it.

He walked out of his bathroom and into his room. His heart rate immediately quickened at the sight of Akira in a black suit with a white button-up. He seemed to have unbuttoned it at the top to show a little chest. Goro got even weaker in the knees, seeing how Akira had his hair slicked back. And the fucker finally removed his fake glasses, too. He almost looked like a thief in the night, wearing a pitch black suit that could surely blend in with the dark sky.

He kind of missed his messy mop-head curls, but he definitely liked how suave he looked at the moment. Any man or woman would absolutely fall on their knees for him, and he would do so as well.

"Goro.." Akira broke the silence between them.

"Uh, yeah?" he asked, trying to act like he hadn’t been eyeing him up and down for a moment.

"You straightened your hair," he said, dumbfounded. And Goro was blushing. Dammit.

"Yeah! I-I was just gonna ask you about that.. do you think I should tie my hair or just let it down?" he asked, while holding out his beige scrunchie.

Akira walked over and took his scrunchie, a contemplative look on his face. He moved to stand behind him and started to tie his hair. Goro hoped that his blush wasn't noticeable. He wasn't sure if he was imagining it, but the air was filled with tension and he wanted to cut it before it got any more awkward.

After a few seconds of Akira tying his hair, he stood back and made Goro face the mirror.

"You look good, Goro."

Goro should die, right now.

"Ah—Thank you," he said nervously.

"You're welcome."

It felt so awkward, and Goro decided to be playful in the stupidest way he could think of.

"And what if I imitated your deviant look and just—" Goro started to unbutton his shirt and showed a bit of chest as well.

He could've sworn Akira heard him suck in a breath behind him, but he pushed the thought away from his mind. 

"Well? Should I?"

Akira rolled his eyes, a light smile on his face, and turned Goro around. He buttoned his shirt up a little higher so it didn't fully show his chest, but just a small part of it.

And suddenly, Akira seemed to get back to his suave personality in a second.

"You could.. but I wouldn't want you taking my date and the rest of the girls in Shujin,” he winked. "That's my job."

Goro should have slapped him, but he didn't. He mentally congratulated himself for taking his mood stabiliser this morning or else he would've actually slapped him.

~

They finally got to the hotel and it looked brighter than Tokyo Bay. They were able to get a valet to park their car and were now waiting for their dates by the entrance. Goro sighed in relief when he saw his schoolmates dressing with the same mix of class and casualness as he was; the hotel looked so fancy that he worried that he had to rent an actual tuxedo for the event.

"Do you wanna go somewhere later?" Akira asked. 

"Like where?"

"I don't know just.." Akira rubbed the back of his neck.

' _ Is he nervous or something?'  _ Goro thought.

"I thought you were going out with your date tonight?"

"I mean, I'd rather spend time with you after. She invited me to an afterparty so I'd prefer it if I just.." Akira still wasn't looking at Goro.

"You sure you don't want to go? You'll be forced to spend the whole night with me after,” Goro laughed. "It's your call, Akira."

"Hell yeah," he beamed. "Let's do it."

And Goro now looked forward more to ending the night with Akira rather than the school dance itself.

~

*Rapper's Delight - The Sugarhill Gang

Lily came in with a short, white, off-shoulder dress that complimented her blue eyes. She looked as enchanting as a fairy. Her long hair was braided and he found it quite cute.

"You look beautiful, Lily," Goro said, smiling.

"Thank you, Goro!" She kissed him on the cheek and slid her arm around his waist. "Shall we? I think the dance is starting," she said playfully.

"We shall."

He wasn't sure about how he felt about Lily's presence at the moment. While she looked absolutely gorgeous, it didn't exactly catch him off guard like it should have. Nonetheless, he was still going to make the effort in having fun tonight even if it wasn't going to be with Akira.

Once they got in the venue, the party seemed to have started already with some loud rap music playing from the speakers. He already saw Ryuji and his friends from the track team breaking it down on the dance-floor, and Goro stifled a laugh at the sight of him doing the robot dance. He also spotted Makoto and Haru playfully dancing while giving each other small kisses. He suddenly felt glad that he didn't third-wheel them that night.

Then he finally saw Akira and Mika dancing together. Mika wore a short red satin dress that hugged her body quite well.

' _ She seems to have a thing for short dresses, _ ' Goro thought bitterly, but tried not to let that petty thought linger.

_ They _ seemed to have already gotten started with their night, and so Goro boldly spun Lily around to initiate a dance. She giggled and started to dance with him.

They actually hit it off quite well, doing a goofy dance together to the rap song playing, which made their evening more enjoyable than Goro expected it to be.

Then Akira and Goro glanced at each other, and they were laughing as they pretended to be in a dance competition against each other. They danced away like they used to back in kindergarten watching MTV.

And just as they started to have fun together, Mika suddenly grabbed Akira's hands and had him touch all over her body, as if they were the only two people in the room. Goro was suddenly reminded of when him and Akira would have intimate moments together.

Akira was behind her, Mika’s hands dragging his arms lower, and lower—

Goro felt like he was interrupting something, so he leaned closer to Lily's ear to whisper, loud enough for her to hear through the speakers: "You mentioned that you had a room here?"

And Lily looked at him as if she had been waiting for him to ask that all night.

~

Goro was the dumbest person alive. He didn't expect that he would actually have sex with Lily, yet here he was initiating it without a condom present.

"Lily, we don't have to do it. I don’t have—I mean, I  _ forgot _ to bring a condom and—"

  
  


She interrupted him by crashing her mouth against his, in the most hungry matter. Goro leaned into the kiss, which she presumed was his first time. It was really sloppy and he wasn't sure if it was how a kiss was supposed to be. She sat on his lap and started to grind herself on him while placing kisses on his neck. He found himself bucking up to her which caused her to let out a moan.

"Oh~ Goro, just fuck me already would you?" she whispered.

And why, why did Goro have to imagine Akira saying it in his most raspy voice. He was currently downstairs grinding on some girl. He didn't care about him, he didn't want to think about him—

He brought her lips back to his to silence his thoughts, and started to unzip her dress. She helped him remove it, leaving her in her undergarments. She brought one of his hands to grab her breast, while she used her other hand to undress him.

If Goro were being honest, holding a breast was quite underwhelming. It wasn't like how Ryuji described it, and now Goro realizes that his description was probably based on unrealistic porn. Not that he had anything against Lily’s breasts—he thought they were great, but it just wasn’t as attractive to him as another person’s body that he often had in mind—

He removed his hand from her breast and started to help her undress him. And by the time they were both naked, Goro was on top of her looking down at the girl who had her long messy hair laid out on the pillow. She was captivating with her bright eyes looking up at him, waiting for something to happen other than him gawking.

He wasn't trying to imagine Akira below him. He wasn't imagining him with his black hair spread out and his hands on his waist while he lowered him onto his—

He was a bit intimidated, especially since Lily has had experience with other men. His pride didn't want him to show that he was a virgin, so he held her waist and slowly entered himself in.

And for the first time tonight, he was actually starting to feel at bliss with the waves of an unexplainable warmth washing over him. His core flickered, begging him to continue moving inside her.

With her legs spread out, he started to move gently, not wanting to destroy her or hurt her. His thrusts were slow as he did not want to rush the process. 

Then suddenly, she put her arms around his neck and whispered “Faster, please~” 

And so he started to thrust faster. Her moaning was much louder than when they first started and she was already dragging nails down his back. He grunted against her neck as she continued whispering sweet nothings in his ear.

“I-I’m gonna—“ and he was about to pull out of her until she locked her legs around him.

He freaked out and accidentally spilled a little in her, but he managed to unclasp her legs from around his torso and spill the rest of it on the bed instead. 

“W-Why did you do that?!” he asked, distressed. 

“Calm down, I’m on birth control,” she laughed and started to get a pack of cigarettes from the bedside table. “You really didn’t have to pull out.” 

And he suddenly wasn’t sure if he made the smart decision of going upstairs to her room after witnessing Mika grinding on Akira. He was starting to realise that it might have been a  _ little _ petty and rash of him to do so. 

He started to put on his clothes so he could leave the room as soon as possible before it gets any more awkward. She wasn’t really acknowledging him until he was already dressed and ready to go out the door. 

“I’ll see you at the after party?” she asked, glancing at him from the bed.

He nodded with a forced smile, not really wanting to talk with her any further before leaving the room. 

~

Goro wasn’t sure if that’s how your first sexual experience was supposed to go. He imagined it as something more exciting and wonderful rather than rushed and dubious. He didn’t  _ hate _ the sex, he just wasn’t sure how he felt about his first being with Lily.

They were many underwhelming parts to it and he couldn’t decipher on whether it was his fault for not being as engaged as her or if that’s how sex was really supposed to be. 

This was already starting to bother him, so grabbed his phone and pressed ‘Call’ on Akira’s contact. 

“Hello?!” Akira answered, with the music still on full blast.

“Can we meet up?” Goro asked.

“What?!” He heard some shuffling and a high-pitched giggle. “I can’t hear you!”

“Can we meet up?!” Goro asked louder, feeling a little irritated.

“Goro! I still can’t hear you!” and he suddenly heard Mika say, ‘Akira come on!’ in the background.

“Okay fine, nevermind then! Go enjoy your little night, I’ll just take a cab home!” He ended the call, feeling more irritated than he should be. 

‘It’s fine,’ he thinks, perhaps Akira would go with Mika to her little afterparty and get wasted. He’ll probably have sex with her too. 

Goro felt guilty about his last bitter thought; it’s not like he was one to talk, anyway. He was going to have the walk of shame (even if his shame was only known to him) after he got off the elevator, and he just wanted to get distracted from that awkward experience. If he called Makoto and Haru, he would’ve probably interrupted another intimate moment of theirs so he crossed that out, and Ryuji was most likely going to that afterparty with his track team so he crossed that out as well. 

He might as well just bother his mom or call Futaba to binge watch Featherman until they passed out on her bed. His social ineptness kept him from wanting to interact with his other schoolmates and he started to feel quite silly for that.

The elevator finally opened after what felt like a long period of time and he saw Akira right in front of him, looking like he was searching for someone.

“Goro!” he said after recognizing him get out of the elevator, walking towards him. 

“Oh thank god, I was starting to think you and Mika were about to make the same mistake as me,” Goro said without thinking, sighing. “Knowing you, you’d probably pounce the moment she opens her legs for you—“

“Wait—what?” Akira looked at him with his eyes wide as if he just told him that he had gotten someone pregnant.

“I—it’s nothing! Lily and I just..” He rubbed the back of his neck, absolutely ashamed. “Yeah, Lily and I..” he trails off, not really knowing how to tell his best friend that he just lost his virginity.

Akira seemed like he had forgotten how to speak and dropped his words into a never ending void. 

“Say something..” Goro groaned and started to walk forward. He was already irritated from that underwhelming sex and his brief phone call with Akira. He did not want to deal with a person who didn't know how to speak.

“Alright then, I’ll just leave you to process it—” he said, walking away, before he felt his back get smacked  _ really hard.  _ Goro started planning Akira’s murder at that moment.

“Ha—haha! Wow! Goro actually got some!” Akira laughed and put his arm around him “Soo.. are you gonna tell me how it went?!” 

Goro rolled his eyes, and felt a blush creep up his cheeks. “Let’s leave this place first, please?”

~

*Nobody Gets Me (Like You) - Wallows

They figured that Sojiro was already sleeping and they wouldn’t be able to open LeBlanc tonight, so they decided to go to Central Street to eat in Big Bang Burger since it was usually open at this time.

They sat down after getting their food and Akira had a mischievous smile on his face. Goro already predicted that he was going to ask him for every detail about Goro’s.. experience.

“Alright, out with it,” Goro groaned, and took a bite out of his fries.

“So? Did you guys just get to third base, or was it a homerun?!” Goro wished he could splash his soda all over Akira at that moment.

“What even are the different bases?” Goro said, exasperated. “It was a homerun, I guess..? I—I don’t know! It was  _ sex _ !” 

“W-Wait, seriously?” Akira was surprised, and he should be. Even Goro himself was surprised at the fact that he had sex after spending just a few hours with Lily.

“Wow I..” Akira rubbed the back of his neck. “So you really did it huh..” 

“Well yeah, she was practically already prancing on me on the dance floor and she didn’t hide the fact that she had a room all to herself.” Goro rolled his eyes. “So, I guess I just..” he looked away.

“Hey, uh, Goro?” He looked at Akira and saw that he changed his expression from being excited for him to being.. sad? What an odd boy he was.

“We don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to..” He took a sip from his drink. “I mean.. you seem uncomfortable..” 

Goro felt embarrassed at that, and a bit irritated. He  _ didn’t _ want to talk about it, but he also didn’t want to feel like a loser who wasn’t mature enough to talk about his sexual experiences.

“No, it’s fine.. I won’t get too much into detail, but it was surprisingly fun,” he said with a fake smile. “I was already expecting it, and perhaps some part of me genuinely wanted to do it with Lily as well.” 

“Some.. part of you?”

“Yeah, I mean.. I guess I just wanted to get my first time over with like any other dumb teenager. So yeah, I was excited to be doing that with one of the ‘prettiest’ girls in our school.. and I bet that you’ll be feeling the same way once Mika asks if she can come over to that lofty attic you stay in in LeBlanc.” Goro said,  _ hoping that _ Akira wouldn’t sense the bitter tone in his voice. 

“Ah—uhm.” Akira blushed and looked away. “Well, uh, yeah! Probably!” He laughed.

“Yes well, bring a condom,” Goro laughs dryly. “I feel a little irresponsible for it but thank god she was on birth control.” 

“Right..“ Akira was still looking away, but he suddenly smiled widely. “You know, I really didn’t think that you’d lose your virginity before I did.” 

“Oh Akira, were you expecting a little competition over who would lose their virginity first?” He rolled his eyes. “Or did you propose that with Ryuji already? I wouldn’t be surprised if that hormonal monkey wanted to make a bet over something so dumb.”

“Well look at you! Acting like a smartass just because you lost your virginity?” Akira smirked. “You must be just as hormonal as you say we are if you think you’re above us for ‘something so dumb’.” 

Goro snarled and threw a fry at him. Akira laughed and for the rest of the evening, they finally started to talk about mundane things that made Goro feel at ease throughout the rest of the night.

~ 

Akira drove him back to his house at 2am. Goro definitely enjoyed their uneventful evening together more than the school dance. 

He hugged Akira over the barrier that separated their car seats and opened the car door to leave, until Akira touched his arm, indicating that he wanted to say something.

“I forgot to ask you.. Have you heard back from Columbia yet?” 

Goro smiled fondly. He was really excited for his journey with Akira to New York. Their dreams of going together consisted of him going to Columbia University and Akira going to New York University. Despite the difference in schools, they would still go home to the same apartment they planned to rent together. He constantly prayed that nothing was going to ruin that plan.

“No, but I probably will any day now. You’ll be one of the first to know, of course. You don’t need to ask me every day.”

Akira smiles.

  
“But you know NYU probably won’t accept  _ you _ for your horrendous grades,” Goro added playfully.

“They aren’t that bad! Come on, I was at the top of my class y’know!” 

“Yeah, way back in our sophomore year,” Goro laughed. “You don’t even know the hardships that me and Makoto had to go through whenever you asked us to help you and Ryuji study.” 

“That’s not true! It’s just Ryuji who can’t keep up,” he pouted. Goro wishes that he could kiss that cute pout away—

“A-Alright well, you should get going now.” He opened the car door, and stopped for a moment before walking out. “Goodnight Akira.” 

And Goro felt relieved and truly happy when Akira grinned back at him.

“Goodnight Goro.”

~

Two days later on a cold morning, Goro’s mom called him to tell him that he got mail from Columbia University. He sped down the stairs immediately and snatched the letter from her hands. His mom glared at him for his hurried behavior, but he gave her a kiss on the cheek and promised to tell her what the results were.

She smiled, a little too forgiving, and went back to the laundry. Goro went upstairs to his room and sat on his desk.

Columbia was a challenging school to get in, he knew that. But he still felt absolutely excited and hoped that he wouldn't get excited over nothing. He traced his fingers around the engraved printed name of the sender and placed his hands on the opening of the letter.

He slowly opened it and pulled out the paper that would determine whether he had a future in New York or not. Out of nervousness, he closed his eyes and unfolded it. 

And after a few minutes of pep talking, he couldn’t stop smiling the whole day after seeing:

_ Dear Goro, _

_ Congratulations! It is a pleasure for me to inform you have been admitted to Columbia University… _

His mom immediately jumped in his arms the moment she found out, and Goro felt so happy in her arms, especially after such an eventful week.

~

The next day, Akira and Goro happened to have computer class together which gave them the opportunity to talk to each other through Yahoo Messenger.

Goro glanced at Akira for a brief moment and realized that he was smiling while typing on his assigned computer. Oh, how he wanted to watch that smile everyday and kiss his lips to make him smile even wider..

He decided to initiate a conversation on Yahoo Messenger and he wanted to tease him for his constant smiling.

[ [ akechigoro@yahoo.com ](mailto:akechigoro@yahoo.com) ] Are you and your seatmate goofing around on Pornhub? You’re smiling as if you’re seeing a woman’s breast for the first time.

He laughed and glanced at Akira who gave him the ‘excuse me?!’ face.

[ [ kurusu0069akira@yahoo.com ](mailto:kurusu0069akira@yahoo.com) ] I’m definitely not on Pornhub.. but I do have news related to that

[ [ akechigoro@yahoo.com ](mailto:akechigoro@yahoo.com) ] What is it? Did Futaba finally give you a hacked premium account after seeing your vile search history? Oh I feel so sorry for her.. you really need to start using incognito tabs lol

Goro rolled his eyes.

[ [ kurusu0069akira@yahoo.com ](mailto:kurusu0069akira@yahoo.com) ] No.. the thing is that I actually wouldn’t need to go on Pornhub as often anymore because of this.. O_O

[ [ akechigoro@yahoo.com ](mailto:akechigoro@yahoo.com) ] Out with it then.. I also have news to tell you 

[ [ kurusu0069akira@yahoo.com ](mailto:kurusu0069akira@yahoo.com) ] Well........ the thing is...... I’ve actually upgraded from internet voyeurism to real sex!! ;) ;) VIRGIN BOY IS NO LONGER!!!!

And Goro wanted to walk out of that classroom. He wanted to walk out and take a breather in the bathroom before he made a fool of himself in front of the whole class. 

[ [ akechigoro@yahoo.com ](mailto:akechigoro@yahoo.com) ] Oh wow, that was sooner than I expected.. Who’s the unlucky girl, you harlot?

“Not Mika, not Mika, not Mika, not Mika,” Goro muttered. He hoped the person beside him wouldn’t notice his distress.

[ [ kurusu0069akira@yahoo.com ](mailto:kurusu0069akira@yahoo.com) ] Mika

‘Fuck!’ he cursed in his head, or so he thought, because now everyone in class was staring at him and the professor looked annoyed.

“Goro Akechi, get yourself to the principal’s office now—”

Akira stood up. “No no, it was my fault I swear, I just had to tell Goro something—”

“So I see, Akira. Congratulations.” And on the screen flashed the conversation between Goro and Akira. Everyone in class started to cheer; even the person seated beside Akira clapped his hands and high-fived him when he sat down with a nervous smile on his face.

But Goro was going to explode. After a happy morning caused by the excitement of him being accepted into Columbia the day before, he goes to school and gets hit by Akira’s news like a slap to the face.

More than ever, he wanted to ignore Akira. He was going to storm out of class as soon as it was done and vent to Makoto and Haru. 

~

[Lily] Hey Goro, we gotta talk.

Goro didn’t think Lily would ever text him again after the amateur they had sex. He figured she just wanted to go out with the “pretty boy” to see what he’d be like in bed.

[Goro] What about?

[Lily] It’s really serious. Just.. Come to my house please?

He felt a little bad for thinking so lowly of her. Perhaps she wanted to talk about that night and admit that she felt lonely and realised that he looked lonely as well. 

Okay, he was doing it again.

[Goro] Alright. I’ll come over.

He put on his shoes and before he left the house, he received a text from Akira.

[Akira] I know we’re not officially talking right now but let’s meet up tomorrow, please? I gotta tell you something and I promise this time it’s news you’ll be happy to hear :).

He sighed, texting back a quick ‘Fine,’ and hoped that Akira’s news was not his engagement to Mika.

~

Goro knocked on Lily’s door and felt a little nervous. He didn’t want to assume that he was going to receive some life-changing news but his overthinking sense started to make him believe that he was. He waited patiently and she finally opened the door.

She looked like a mess. She had dried tear stains all over her cheeks and her hair looked like it hadn’t been washed for days. 

He really felt nervous now.

“Sorry for looking like a mess, but I really hope you don’t get mad at me..” she said, and opened the door wider for him to enter.

“Oh, o-okay..” Goro said. 

~

The bar was small and filled with pink lights. It was open but there were barely any customers inside except for a couple lounging in a booth.

Goro was drinking a mug of beer at the bar, trying to cope with the news he had just received. It was so surreal and he felt incredibly dumb for letting this whole event play out. He was going to drink until he passed out, but that would probably make a bad example in front of—

“Hey! Would you like anything else?” A girl with blonde pigtails and striking blue eyes looked at him. She wore a pink kimono to match the host who was also wearing a kimono.

“A couple more beers, please,” he muttered while downing the current glass in his hand. 

She opened her mouth to say something, but seemed to think better of it and instead proceeded to get his order.

Goro already felt woozy from the three beers he drank. He was truly having a bad month and he wished it would all just end. However, it was going to take at least nine months for him to process before the—

The bartender showed up beside him with one glass of beer. She took the seat beside him, and when he reached for his drink, she brought it back out of his reach.

“Uh.. I’m sorry, did you need something? I believe that was a beer I ordered for myself,” Goro said flatly, dumbfounded and too tired to even yell at a worker.

“As your bartender I know that, obviously. But as a _caring_ and _empathetic_ _person_ , I’m advising you to stop drinking before you can’t even stand up anymore.” She leaned in curiously, still holding Goro’s beer away from him. “I can tell you wanna let something out.”

He looked at her like she was crazy. Did she really think he was going to vent to some stranger who took it upon herself to refuse service while sitting down beside him?

“I mean, you don’t have to tell me if you do, of course. I’ve just got nothing else to do because there’s no one else at the bar and honestly, it was sucking the energy out of me just watching you wallow in what seems to be self-pity..”

Goro just stared at her before he realized, who the hell was he going to tell besides his mom? He already knew Makoto and Haru were going to freak out and lecture him, and he absolutely did not need that right now. Ryuji and Futaba were bad at keeping secrets from Akira and—

And he can’t tell Akira. He just can’t. Akira was definitely going to freak out, maybe even never talk to him when he realizes that this could ruin their plan together.

So he might as well just vent to some girl he just met—she seemed to be around his age anyway.

“I got someone pregnant,” he said, and took another swig of his glass.

She gasped pretty loudly, which made the hostess and the other customers briefly look at her. She cheekily said ‘sorry!’ to make it seem like the conversation they were having wasn’t anything serious.

“Wow uhm..” she looked away. “You did?”

“Yep. Apparently, birth control pills are only ninety-one percent effective. And we just happened to be part of the other 9 percent, can you believe that?..” And he just wished he had pushed his petty feelings aside when he saw Akira grind on Mika during the school dance.

“Uhm, wow.. so like.. do you wanna talk about it?” 

Goro thought about it for a moment. ‘Well.. what’s the worst that can happen?’ he thinks.

“Yeah, alright.” Goro agrees, like the oversharer he is. “I might as well. This is going to fuck me in the ass sooner or later anyway so it’s not like any of this is gonna matter.”

She fixed herself on the seat and faced him, ready to hear an unfortunate tale from the drunk man across her.

And little did they know, that a friendship would ensue from that simple bar conversation. Goro felt grateful for once that he was an oversharer.

~

The next day, Goro woke up and felt like it was time for him to tell Akira—to tell him that his plan of going to New York had backfired because of the night he shared with Lily.

His selfishness wanted Akira to stay. He wanted Akira to drop his plan and be there with Goro to take care of the baby that was about to come; to drop his plan and decline NYU so he and Goro could still be together.

Akira texted him last night and said that he wanted to talk about something important too. So Goro gets dressed, tells his mother he’ll be going to Leblanc and that he’d come back later in the evening, and hopes that his conversation doesn’t end in tears and unresolved problems. 

After a few trips on the train, he finally ended up on the doorstep of Leblanc. He realized that no one seemed to be inside and assumed that Akira had locked the cafe up for the both of them. But he tried to open the door and it didn't budge.

‘ _ Why is it locked..?’ _

Goro sent him a text, and told him that he arrived in Leblanc, but after a few moments awaiting a text that never came, he walked to the Sakura house. He could ask Sojiro why the cafe is locked and maybe he knew where Akira was as well.

He pressed the doorbell and it opened to a distressed Futaba. 

“Have you seen Akira?” Goro asked her.

Futaba sighed and let him inside. He entered, wondering what made Futaba look like she had just aged 10 years in a single night. 

She brought him into her room and gestured for him to watch what she was doing, as she typed in some form of coding onto her computer. Goro was puzzled, wondering what this had to do with Akira.

She finally stopped typing, and he realized that she had typed in a code to access her bug inside Leblanc. Through the audio, he hears a fit of giggles and a bed creaking loudly as if someone was..

No.

“ _ Oh—Oh Akira! Oh! _ ”

“Wha—” Goro looked at Futaba, his mouth agape. “Are they—”

“They’re fucking,” she says, as if it were a regular thing.

Oh.

This month had been going terribly for Goro, but he didn’t think it could actually get any worse. Akira was ditching their meeting for sex. He chose Mika over him. Goro felt his self-esteem plummet.

“Oh—Akira! Again!”

Goro gagged, already standing up and moving to leave the room, until Futaba put her hand out to stop him for a moment.

“Wait for it,” Futaba said, and she started mouthing along the words:

“Oh, Akira! Where.. did you learn.. to do..  _ that _ ~!” 

Futaba shook her head lightly, and finally closed the program on her computer.

Goro felt something rise from his stomach. “Excuse me,” he muttered quickly, and ran off to the bathroom to let out an immense amount of vomit. 

He was going to have a trip to the bathhouse after this.

~

After a while of Goro just sitting and staring into space on the couch, Futaba informed him that Akira and Mika seemed to have stopped. So he power-walked his way towards LeBlanc and waited for Akira to open the door. 

He caught a glimpse of them walking down the stairs. Before they reached the door, Mika gave him a peck on the lips. She finally headed out, smiling lightly as she was faced with Goro.

“Oh! Akechi-kun hello,” she smiled, still in a daze. Her hair looked like it wasn’t brushed and her clothes were crumpled. Goro put on his fake smile and greeted her back, not wanting to look like he had just heard them fucking.

Akira finally peaked out the door and smiled at the sight of Goro. “Oh, hey! Did you just get here?” 

“Yes,” he lies after a second of silent cursing. “I wasn’t interrupting anything, was I?”

“Nope! We just finished,” she said and winked at Akira, before waving goodbye and leaving the two boys.

Akira nervously faced Goro and opened the door. “Hah.. we were just—”

Goro didn’t care to hear what Akira had to say; he just stomped his way into the cafe before he could finish. He took a seat in one of the booths and patiently waited for Akira to do the same. 

*I Can’t Handle Change - Roar

Akira took a seat in front of him and suddenly grinned, clearly still high over the sex he just had.

‘ _ Fuck you, _ ’ Goro says in his head.

“So.. guess what, Goro?” he said, handing out a letter to him. “I got accepted into NYU! You’re looking at a future lawyer, baby!” he punches his hand into the air. The million dollar smile was plastered all over his face, fitting for a man who had just got into his dream college  _ and _ had sex.

“O-Oh!..” was the first thing that came out of Goro’s mouth. Was that how he was supposed to respond? Under other circumstances, this was the part where Goro would beam at Akira and tell him that he got into Columbia University too, and then they would hug and be ecstatic and finally get out of Tokyo and fight crime together like how they’ve always wished. But those plans were doomed even  _ before _ Goro got Lily pregnant, weren’t they? Because he was always selfish and petty. Because he never knew how to properly communicate his thoughts. Because he  _ always _ had feelings for Akira.

“Yeah! Oh my god, Goro! I’m all set for us to leave in a few days.. we’re finally going to rent an apartment together and go to college and—”

“I’m happy for you, Akira,” Goro said truthfully. While he did feel some bitterness from the whole situation, he was of course still happy for his best friend. Akira’s dreams were finally going to come true.. even if Goro was going to be left out of it.

“Yeah, thanks!.. But uh..” Akira scratched the back of his neck anxiously. “You got into Columbia too, right? I mean, that must be the news you had to tell me.” He let out a nervous chuckle.

And  _ this  _ should have been the part where Goro would tell him that he had gotten Lily pregnant. Where he would have to tell him that Goro’s dreams were crushed by a single mistake, and that there was now no way he could go to New York with Akira.

But Goro loved him. He loved him more than he, himself, could even fathom. And he already knew that Akira would stay behind and help him get through his new life as a father instead of accepting the opportunity waiting for him in New York, if Goro told him the truth. But he was done being selfish, and he was not going to let himself be the reason why Akira would turn down such a great opportunity—one that he’s dreamed of for as long as they’ve known each other.

“No, I.. I haven’t got a letter yet, actually,” Goro said, speaking slowly and leaning into his seat. 

“What?!” Akira exclaimed, as if it were his own dreams being crushed. “M-Maybe it just got lost in the mail? They’d be the dumbest school in New York if they didn’t accept you!” 

“Well, I’m not that surprised. They only have a 7.5% acceptance rate.” He looked down at his hands, a sad smile on his face. “Maybe they thought an Asian boy like me wasn’t worthy of going to their campus.” 

Akira looked at him like Goro was the craziest person in the world. He probably was.

“I-I’ll stay behind and wait!” Akira said firmly. “I’ll wait for you to get your letter.. we’re supposed to go to New York together! That’s what we promised when we were—” 

“Why do you care so much about a promise we made so long ago?” Goro bit back, and he felt guilt build up in his chest from his bitter tone. It was their dream  _ together _ and Goro couldn’t believe that he had the nerve to say that as if  _ he _ didn’t care about it, when in actuality it was one of the only things he had to truly look forward to his whole teenage life.

“W-What..?” Akira whimpers.

“No, I—” Goro sighs. “No, I’m sorry.. I’ve had a rough week. I just don’t want you to hold back, Akira. I’ll wait for my letter and follow you to New York when I can, but you really shouldn’t wait for me, if you’ve already got everything set and waiting for you.”

And now he just created a false promise that would only work to deepen the wound. 

Akira looked down at the floor and didn't respond for a while. Goro wanted to pass out and go into a coma for years so Akira would have no choice but to move forward and live his ideal life in New York City.

“O-Okay,” Akira finally responded. “But you better go, okay! You’ll get in for sure, so you better follow right after.” 

Goro looked up and saw Akira’s finger pointed at him. He sees the determination in his courageous eyes, absolutely fooled by Goro's promise.

And Goro smiled at him, genuinely. Not because anything had changed with his own situation, but because Akira was finally set to leave and chase his dreams, as he should.

“Of course, Akira.”

~

After what felt like an eternity of a conversation in LeBlanc, Goro treated himself to a trip to the bathhouse. He sank into the steaming hot water, and splashed his face with a generous amount of water. 

He thought he’d be able to clear his mind there, but alas his mind started to drift towards Akira (as it always did), so now he was thinking about what happened a while ago. 

Oh, how one night can change someone’s life forever. He didn’t even have any infatuation with Lily, since it died back in their freshman year. He fooled himself into thinking that there were some bits of it left, and he was an expert at doing so. If he went back in time and told freshman year Goro that he would get Lily pregnant, would he be excited at the possibility of fucking her or would get a panic attack? Probably both. 

Abortion was legal in Japan, but Lily’s parents were Christians who wanted her to go through the nine months of hell. Goro still felt absolutely responsible for making her go through this pain. The fact that he still had sex with her instead of leaving the room when he realized he didn’t have proper protection was his fault; he should have been more responsible. He relied too heavily on the fact that she was on birth control and now he was paying the price.

And it suddenly reminded him of when his mother and Shido had him—by accident. They were both lonely adults looking for something to relieve that. And instead of indulging in their loneliness and using it to gain a better sense of independence, they turned to each other hoping that they would help each other stop feeling it. 

How wrong they were. 

She called him weeks later after getting a positive pregnancy test result and he scurried away like a rat in the sewers.

When she managed to contact Shido months later, after she had given birth, he immediately came with his goons and snatched the baby from the vulnerable woman who had no one to protect her. His mother couldn’t understand why Shido would leave and then suddenly take Goro from her, but she eventually found out the truth: Shido wanted Goro to further his political agenda by raising him to the top of the hierarchy with him, so the public would think something along the lines of, “Oh he’s so compassionate! And his son is adorable! He must truly be a great father.” They would absolutely be fooled and Goro would have to witness it all.

One night, Goro gathered up the courage to pack his things away and head out of the house before Shido could see him. He was lucky enough to find the address of his mom in a book of records. With his pocket allowance and light baggage, he found himself on the doorsteps of Kamene Akechi’s house on his birthday. Goro felt proud that he fooled Shido into giving him money on his birthday, and he finally managed to reunite with his mother at once. 

But a part of Goro felt like she wouldn’t be glad to see him. If anything, she could have easily blamed every downpoint in her life on him. However, when she opened the door and saw a familiar little brown-haired boy looking up at her, she immediately recognized him as her own and brought the child up in her arms and into bed. 

He never felt more grateful.

Now, Goro wondered.. was he going to make the same mistake as his father? Goro and Lily also started out as two lonely teenagers who had sex the first moment they could. And now, Lily was pregnant. Was he going to leave the child’s life and never come back? 

He could—accept Columbia’s offer and follow the love of his life to New York.. but he didn’t want to be like his father. He won’t be.

But Lily also presented him with another choice, which was to put the child in a foster home. She was leaning towards that decision, and Goro knew that option was actually the most realistic, given that he was a young, financially-unstable adult with no clear future in sight.  **But he had the creeping feeling that putting this young child in foster care was going to be hell for them** ; that could have easily been Goro’s own fate if he had never been able to find his mother and he always felt scared at that possibility. 

Lily said that she was still going to think about it, and let Goro do so as well. He had to remind himself that they needed to make a unanimous decision. 

He also couldn’t help but think about how lost his chance to be with Akira. He couldn’t believe that his selfishness had gotten him this bad. He was now a firm believer in karma. Karma is indeed a bitch. Akira has gotten him through many things and vice versa. He was there the moment he had first panic attack out of fear that Sojiro was going to leave him.

Once upon a time, Goro had a whole life with Akira by his side right ahead of him,

and it was now gone in the blink of an eye. 

He snapped out of rethinking his tragic backstory and realized that his fingers were getting prune-y from the bath. However, he remembered that the next few weeks were going to even be more hellish, so he let himself sink further into the bath to feel the hot water run over his body.

‘ _ I deserve this, _ ’ he thought, but he wasn’t sure if he was referring to his relaxing bath or the effects of the mistakes he made.

~

*Malibu 1992 - COIN

Three months later, and everything had gone by Goro so quickly. He didn’t even remember how his high school graduation was. And It was certainly awkward between him and Lily around the rest of their class, which Akira and Ryuji assumed had simply been because of their one-night stand. However, he was glad to hang out and have tea with Makoto and Haru after graduation in Haru’s humongous mansion. He was going to miss them, but he wasn’t sure if they would want to see him with a young girl holding his hand months later. Tokyo was quite a small world and they would all easily find out about him having a child.

Another thing he remembered was Ryuji’s long sad speech on the day of Akira’s departure and Futaba crying, refusing to let him out of her sight throughout his “goodbye party.” He also remembered Sojiro unable to hide his sad, but proud smile at Akira for how far he had come. A few of his other friends passed by too, just to properly say goodbye.

“Goro..” Futaba had said.

“Hm?” Goro looked at her, but Futaba muttered a quick ‘nevermind’ after a moment and proceeded not to speak to him for the rest of the night.

Luckily, Goro did not see Mika that evening.

It was now December. After a long and cold night of helping Akira pack up, Goro was to sleepover in his attic and get up with him in the morning to finally drop him off. 

On that morning, before the two of them left, Akira said one last goodbye to Sojiro and Futaba.

Goro slightly feared the look Futaba gave him before they got in the car, but he couldn’t figure out what it meant, so he decided to just forget about it.

Truly, Goro had another thing to worry about. 

He still had to wipe away the memory of Akira holding him in bed the previous night, both of them dreading the moment the night ended and the morning of Akira’s departure came to be unavoidable. He had to forget the goosebumps he felt rise on his skin as Akira breathed down his neck, holding Goro ever so close to his chest. He had to forget the tears he felt land on the collar of his shirt and roll down his back, that he pretended not to notice. And he also had to forget flexing every fiber of muscle in his body to stop himself from shaking as finally let himself cry, desperate not to let Akira feel his movement. 

He was going to vigorously clean the shirt he used that night and include everything that happened, with it. 

The car ride was silent. They exchanged no words, and they felt the unspoken tension cling onto the air. Goro could not understand why it was there in the first place. It’s not like they had anything  _ unresolved _ , at least on Akira’s end.

They finally reached the airport at seven in the morning, and Akira had to board in fifteen minutes. The morning was cold and the people around them were frantic, rushing to catch their flights. Goro had a glimpse of a few people hugging and kissing their significant others goodbye, and the sight caused something to tug at his heart.

Before they reached the gates, Goro planned to simply say goodbye, wish him safety, and leave before Akira could see him cry. That then was the part where they would finally leave each other and leave fate to do its job. He could no longer meddle with it. 

“Have a safe flight.” Goro said and moved to turn back, but Akira took his arm and hugged him, not giving him the chance to leave just yet. His grip was tight and his embrace was stronger than any other embrace they’ve ever had throughout their friendship. He hugged him like Goro was about to slip through his fingers and never return. He hugged him like the world was about to end and he had chosen Goro to die with. He hugged him like he was the most important person in his life. He hugged him like he was the  _ love _ of his life. 

And Goro hugged back, a tight grip on his waist, like Akira was his last breath of air before plunging into the depths of the ocean. He hugged him like he was about to enter a new world and never come back. He hugged him like he was wasting away on the ground, about to tell Akira his last words. Like these last words were also going to be the first time he said ‘I’m in love with you’ for the first and last time because—oh god, he didn’t want to let him go. He wanted Akira to change his mind and stay. Fuck, Akira was the love of his life and he wanted him to know that he was always going to be in love with him no matter what. He, he—

Akira pulled back and suddenly pressed his forehead against his, still not letting go of his embrace. The world kept spinning, the sun continued rising, and people kept passing by, barely acknowledging them. But time seemed to slow down just for them, even though they were insignificant to the billions of people on Earth. 

And despite the physical closeness they had at that moment, Goro still felt the true distance between them. The distance caused by an idiotic decision that led to Akira needing to leave him behind.

But suddenly Akira seemed to lean in ever so slightly, and Goro found himself doing so as well. They kept hesitating, leaning in and pulling back. Goro couldn’t keep count of how many times they went back and forth, but really, were they both expecting something to happen? Would it happen? Would they let go and part ways? Would Goro have to live the rest of his life knowing that Akira would one day realize that he lied and had no plans of following him? Would they even keep in touch? Or could Goro be selfish one more time, and let Akira know about his feelings for him? He didn’t know the answers to any of these questions, and he didn’t know if he ever would. For once, Goro was fearing the unknown. He knew that deep down, everything that happened would forever change Akira’s perception of him. When years pass by, Goro will  _ probably _ learn to accept this. He was going to start doing so once Akira boards that plane. He was going to force himself to let go. But.. But maybe he can be selfish one last time and..

It kept happening. Akira wouldn’t fucking  _ stop _ leaning in. Goro could feel his eyelashes flutter on his cheek. He would place his hand on his jaw, slightly pull him in, and then bring it back down. He wanted Goro to give him a reason to stay and wait for him. A reason that would tell him, no,  _ force  _ him, to stay. But did Goro even want him to stay? Did he want to see his plans disappear into the skies and never come back? Would his efforts even be worth it? 

Goro was going to be a  _ father _ . He was never going to Columbia. He was going to stay behind to take care of a real, living child. He probably wouldn’t even have the time to visit Akira at all. 

But Akira didn’t know this; he didn't know that if he stayed he would simply live in Tokyo with Goro waiting for him to be ready to move to New York—a day that would never come. And Akira wouldn’t realize that until it was too late to reopen the opportunities he closed behind him. But.. it wouldn’t hurt to just let himself indulge in this moment and..

But none of them did anything. Goro didn’t even look at him in the eye. He was done being selfish; it was what led him to where he was now.

Goro took a step back and the world still kept spinning, reminding them that they were mere people; not gods who could change the past or give themselves more time to refocus the future. No, their actions mattered, and their actions were irreversible. Truly, Goro wanted nothing more than to scream ‘ _ I love you, and I want you to stay with me! _ ’ at the top of his lungs, right in the middle of this airport, and watch everyone carry on unfazed as if they hadn’t heard a thing. But he feared that  _ Akira _ would listen—would hear his cry and subsequently redirect his entire life to somehow fit Goro back into it. But the last thing Goro wanted was to be the reason for Akira’s derailment. He  _ needed _ Akira to realize that Goro was just a tiny grain of sand and throw him into massive mounds of dunes. 

It was final, he was going to let Akira go. There was nothing he could do now. If he were to make Akira hesitate one last time, they would both regret it for the rest of their lives. 

“Ah, isn’t your flight going to board soon? I wouldn’t want you missing it,” Goro said. 

Akira looked at him with reluctance. “G-Goro.. You know, I could move the flight and..”

Goro didn’t acknowledge what Akira just said. He pretended that he wasn’t hesitant about boarding, but was excited for it. He acted like he hadn’t heard his words at all. And that’s what he needed to do to get him to just _fucking_ _leave_ before Goro’s plans are changed past the point of return.

“Goodbye Akira,” he finally said. “Have a safe flight.” 

Akira did not say a word. 

After a minute, he turned around and started walking towards his gate. But before he got too far, he looked back and told Goro, “I’ll see you in New York, okay?” with a small smile on his face.

Again, Goro pretended to not hear that. Akira finally walked away, and so did he. Goro promised himself that he was going to forget Akira’s last words and keep them out of his mind. 

But as soon as Goro got home, he felt a sudden wave of sadness rush over him. He couldn’t make himself forget, and that night he finally let all his tears go in the comforting arms of his mother. Goro already betrayed Akira, he might as well betray himself as well.

_ “I’ll see you in New York, okay?” _

Before Goro slept, he decided to send a text to Akira, wanting to savor the connection they still had for as long as he possibly could.

[Goro] Text me when you get there.

But he never hit send. Deleting all the characters he’d typed, he put his phone down with a sigh and closed his eyes. Akira will soon be a ghost of the past and he was going to make sure of that.

… 

_ Oh, I did it again, I did it again _

_ Oh, I did it again, I must still want you _

_ And I might be part to blame _

_ And I might be part to blame _


End file.
